What to say instead

While people often mean well, certain comments after miscarriage can unintentionally cause pain, particularly when said at work. Although it's hard to know what to say, don't feel you have to fix the situation or make it better. In that moment, you can't.

Here's some things that were said to me, and what I wish had been said instead.

“At least you know you can get pregnant”

“It was just a cluster of cells”

“Just relax and think positive”

“Don’t tell work, they’ll never promote you”

“My friend couldn’t get pregnant and they had an operation and it was fine after that.”

“My friend got pregnant naturally while on the IVF waiting list!”

I think these would have been better

“I’m so sorry for your loss”

“It’s not fair. You’ve had a sh!t time”

“If you ever want to talk I’m here for you”

“I can help you talk to HR if you like”

“What can I do to support you?”

“I don’t really know what to say. I’m so sorry”

“I’m sending all my love and here’s some chocolate”

What would you add? Drop me an email and let me know jen@jenniferelworthy.co.uk