Letter to an emotion - a small tool to face up to big feelings
Last week I delivered a training session called ‘How to Support Clients Through Challenging Times’ to a group of fellow coaches. I talked about how the women I work with often bring the trauma and deep emotion from their experiences of baby loss, miscarriage and ttc to our sessions. And of course I shared what I went through in relation to all that.
Because I want to be the very best coach I can be for the wonderful women I work with I’ve recently been training as an Emotions Coaching Practioner. I love learning so it’s been great to add to my coaching qualifications too.
Today I want to share a really simple but powerful tool with you.
Letter To Your Emotion.
Step 1: Take 5 minutes to write a letter to an emotion that you’d like to change your relationship with. For example fear, anger, grief, shame.
Step 2. Write the letter to the emotion in the first person e.g. Dear Fear
Step 3. Let your unconscious write the letter i.e. let your arm write it NOT
your brain.
Step 4: Write it in 3 sections - your relationship with the emotion in the past, present and future.
Step: Ask yourself these questions.
How do I feel about the emotion now?
What new perspective have I gained?
What next? (If anything, doing nothing is fine too)
Here’s a letter I recently wrote to an emotion. From this exercise I feel less afraid of the emotion, more accepting that it’s a part of my life. My goal is to let the emotion come in, learn from it and move forward. However I’m not holding too tightly to that goal because I’m now ok that I will never love feeling this way. I think it’s interesting I wrote ‘to’ not ‘dear, and also that I didn’t sign off. That’s something for me to explore further with my coach.
To Anxiety
I used to wallow in you, unable to escape. I would ruminate and feel dragged down by you. You’d be an excuse to pause life. You became my life, overshadowing everything else. I focussed on not letting you in and was exhausted by the battle.
I see you now for what you are. You ebb and flow and that’s ok. I still hate you and wish you weren’t here. I know where you came from and I don’t like that that part in my life carries on so many years after. I won’t let you replace the love for the babies I lost. But I also know you’re not constant and if I give you a little time and space, listen to you, you’ll go off again. But I know you’ll be back. Please don’t come back soon.
When I think about you in my life in the future I feel fed up and a little hopeless. I want you to go away and never come back. But I also know you’re useful, you come to me for a reason and are a sign to slow down. I’d like to lean into you more, to thank you. I don’t know if I’ll ever feel like that.
If there’s an emotion you’d like to change your relationship to why not give this a go? I’d love to hear how you get on so feel free to email me at jen@jenniferelworthy.co.uk
PS I don’t look particularly anxious in this photo do I? But that was taken 3 months after my second miscarriage. I hoped I was pregnant but my period started and I cried lying on the floor of the hotel shower for 45 mins until my husband scooped me up in a towel. The hotel allowed you to borrow their dog for a beach walk - he was so soothing and the fresh air really helped.
Credit: In Good Company who facilitated the Emotions Coaching Practioner course and shared this tool with me.
